Bag of Hope

Hope. This bag of cauliflower is my hope right now.

My husband came home with this from Sam's Club last night entirely on his own. My husband...the guy who grew up avoiding vegetables like the plague. He's been known to say "You can never have too much beef and cheese."..The guy who once told me that he'd try anything I made as long as it didn't have broccoli, cauliflower, mustard, or mushrooms in it.

Things have been rough lately. At times it has felt like our marriage is hanging on by a thread. Sometimes is seems we struggle to find common ground on anything these days. I've been doubting so many of my life decisions...my marriage, moving here, Kevin quitting his job, bringing these kids into my messed up life. Did I marry the right person? Should I have gotten married at all? Was I supposed to have these kids? What if I can't raise them right? How should we be disciplining? Do I yell too much? Am I too soft? Am I treating them fairly? Do I feed them healthy-enough foods? Am I teaching them enough of their school skills? Should we be letting them watch TV? Do they feel loved equally?

Sometimes it's just so much, and it all weighs so heavily on me.

But this bag of cauliflower was a message from God. As I thought about it sitting in the chest freezer in the garage, God seemed to be telling me, "Think about what this cauliflower represents. You will make it." Why? Because I have a husband who has changed...for his wife and for his kids. Most importantly, for his kids. He wants them to have a better life than he had. He wants them to be well-behaved, well-fed, and hard workers. He wants them to eat healthy and be active. He wants to have a close relationship with them and wants them to be close to each other. He wants them to be happy and wants their faith to be the most important thing. And so do I. I want all of those things. We have a job to do together. We may not be perfect. We may not always agree on the methods, but we agree on the goal and have good intentions. With help from God, we will find a way to be a team, strengthen our marriage, and raise half-way decent kids.

With all of that self-doubt, I feel okay now that we will make it...all because Kevin bought a bag of organic rainbow cauliflower. God speaks in mysterious ways.