If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans

So I definitely don't think that God laughs at our plans, but this quote certainly made me chuckle as I thought about our current situation.  Actually, it could probably describe most of our life.  No matter what plans we make, nothing is for certain.  God has a plan, and it most likely does not match the crazy plans we've concocted.  So, as you know, we made a plan to adopt...

and God made us pregnant.  We are still pregnant, and this baby has survived longer than our other angels.  While we know the odds are against us when it comes to pregnancies, we don't know what God has planned for us in the near future.  It certainly seems like ironic timing to me since we were seriously preparing and pursuing adoption that it makes me wonder if God will bless us with our first child biologically.  I am praying every day that this baby joins our family here on earth.

Because our pregnancies require a lot of care and maintenance, we've decided to hold off on working on the adoption stuff.  If God takes this baby home with him, we will pick up where we left off when we're ready again.  If this baby stays here with us, we would still like to grow our family through adoption although maybe not for a couple years.  We will see where this adventure leads us and follow the path God takes us on.

I am nervous about posting this, and I'm not sure why.  Some people already know about the pregnancy.  I just have this stupid idea in the back of my mind that if I tell more people and get excited that God will change his plans.  Then I realized how stupid that was.  It totally defeats my belief that God has a plan and that it's the right plan.  I also thought how could it hurt to have more people thinking and praying for us.

One thing I am scared about is the possible heartbreak (again).  I am scared because I was feeling so hopeful and happy about the adoption.  If this baby dies, I will be mad.  I'll be mad because I was happy, and losing a baby will make me sad.

However, I am feeling hopeful today, and that is why I am sharing our news.  We had our fourth ultrasound today, and the baby still looks perfect.  With every ultrasound, I am just shocked and amazed.  The tears come pouring down every time I see that heart beat or the baby wiggle around.  It is hard for me to believe.  I want to be excited.  It feels unfair at times that everyone else gets to be excited when they get pregnant, and I just get to be scared.  Today, though, I am letting go of some of my fear, and I am imagining that we are going to have this baby in January.

Here is our little one at each of our ultrasounds.  It really amazes me that they can even see things when the baby is so so tiny!

first ultrasound. 6 weeks 6 days. heartrate of 135 bpm. 0.91 cm long.

second ultrasound. 7 weeks 6 days. heartrate of 171 bpm. 1.42 cm long. taking more of a baby shape.

third ultrasound. 9 weeks 6 days. heartrate of 171 bpm. 3.02 cm long. can actually see a head, hand, and a leg!

fourth ultrasound. 11 weeks 1 day. 4.69 cm long.  can see facial features! amazing.